Desist
by Trmptgrl47
Summary: He looks her up and down, his hands hovering over her, not sure where to touch to make this better, murmuring her name like a chant. That's when he notices the sign. It's on a white piece of paper. It's written in, what looks to be, her blood. STOP HER
1. Chapter 1

AN: I don't know where this came from or where it's going. Come with me?

* * *

Richard Castle was feeling down as he trudged towards his SoHo loft. It was empty more than it was full these days, with his mother settled into her new place, Alexis in and out with school and PI work… and his wife; oh, his beautiful wife; just unexplainably walking out of their life together.

He knows there has to be a reason. Every time he sees her, her face betrays her. She looks at him with an openness and longing when she thinks he isn't looking. She gravitates towards him when he's in her presence. He and Kate Beckett share something, some connection, that neither one of them fully understand. They are linked. Forever and Always.

He pulls his jacket tighter, feeling the cool November chill, mixed with an ache that he can only attribute to missing part of himself. Richard Castle feels exceptionally uneasy. He forgoes the elevator for the stairs to get rid of some of the nervous energy in his body and rid himself of the chill from the walk. Half way up the staircase, he contemplates heading back down to drown a few sorrows (named Kate) at the seedy bar down the street. He thinks that he'll attempt to write a bit, play some Halo, and try to sleep instead of the consuming numbing libations that part of him craves.

At first, when he opens the door, nothing seems out of place. Everything is exactly where he left it. Except, it isn't. There's something, just under the surface, that he can feel is different. He walks to his answering machine: no messages. He calls up the stairs for his daughter: no response.

He drops his keys in the bowl by the door and hangs up his coat when he hears it: A low moan from the couch.

Like a wounded animal. Pain laced with exhaustion and fear. But it's not an animal. He knows that throaty sound. He knows. He knows all her sounds.

He rushes around the couch in a panic and falls to his knees beside where she is lying… No, where she's been dropped, on the couch.

"Kate!" he pleads. "Oh, God, Kate."

She's in the suit that he saw her in earlier today. She's tied up with duct tape. She's bruised and bloodied, unconscious on his couch. He looks her up and down, his hands hovering over her, not sure where to touch to make this better, murmuring her name like a chant. That's when he notices the sign. It's on a white piece of paper. It's written in, what looks to be, her blood.

 _ **STOP HER**_

"God damnit, Kate!" He exclaims as he clamors for his phone in his pocket. He dials the familiar three numbers in a fog. He gives the dispatcher his (their) address, her badge number. He tells them what state she is in and chokes on the words as he describes the scene. He hangs up and dials Esposito (he's before Ryan in his alphabetical phonebook), and he describes the horrible scene again. The boys disconnect and vow to rush over.

It's just him and his wife now. His wife, who hasn't lived in their home for nearly 2 months. His wife, who is bleeding from god-knows-where. His wife, whom he is attempting to free from the duct tape binding her with shaking hands. He knows he probably shouldn't be contaminating the scene like this, but he can't sit on his heels and leave her bound.

He hears the sirens approach, whether it be from the boys or the paramedics, he doesn't know. He knows that his time with her is running short. He leans down and brushes the matted hair off of her brow and replaces it with a gentle kiss.

"I love you, Kate." He whispers, and the words fall from his lips. "I'm going to take care of you, now. I won't let you down this path. I can't do this again. I can't watch this again. You need to stop, Love. You need to stop this. I'm going to make you stop."

His front door opens.

* * *

 _Review?_


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: From time to time I am reminded of the dangers of the anonymity of the Internet. To be clear, I am putting my words out there for you to read. I may not have the right words, or the words that you think are needed in the moment. I encourage everyone to try to write for that reason. I am confident enough in myself to take criticism in both positive and negative ways. So, insult away, guests. Sometimes, people are going to feel the need to prove they are smarter or more educated than someone else. Luckily, I know who I am. I know myself and I'm lucky to be comfortable in my own head and skin._

 _Now, I'm asking you to please remember when you reply to a guest, commenter, or any other author that you have no idea who is in front of the screen reading your words. You don't know what personal hell they might live or see. They're coming to read, comment, and write because they need an escape like the rest of us. Please be kind to one another. I don't give a shit what flames you write about my words. I've never been very good at stringing them together on paper or in life anyway._

 _To all the commenters who gave me encouragement: You are the best. You are the reason I sit here and type. You're the reason these words aren't remaining in my head. You are special people with good hearts and respect for others._

 _On with the show!_

* * *

There's something up her nose. It's cold and it pinches. She feels both heavy and ready to float away at the same time. She tries to reach up to remove the offending object from her face, but she can't manage more than a twitch. She feels a warm touch on her forearm. She knows that touch. Craves it. It immediately sends relief through her body. She thinks he might be saying something, but it's just out of reach. She feels his hand making a slow circle over her hand and she likes to think she smiles a bit, maybe just an upturn of the corner of her mouth. She doesn't know what's happening, doesn't understand why she feels this way, but if he's with her she's safe. Castle's here. There's still something up her nose. She disregards it and lets herself drift back into the darkness while she hears the low timbre of his voice probably saying something soothing. Castle is with her.

* * *

Castle stands up and paces a bit around his wife's hospital room. There is so much he needs to talk to her about. There is so much he needs to say. He has an irrational need to pick up the phone and call her to give him advice.

"Dad?" He hears after a light tap on the door. He turns to face his daughter and breathes a sigh.

"Alexis, pumpkin, what are you doing here?" He asks, crossing the room and meeting her in the middle for an embrace.

"I went home after my study group, Dad, and there was CSU everywhere." She mumbles into his shoulder. "I was so scared… I thought… but Ryan and Esposito were there. They sent me here."

"I know, I'm sorry." He says into her hair, "I should have called. Everything just happened so fast."

"What's going on, Dad?" Alexis asked, pulling back to look at her father. "Ryan and Espo said that Kate was dumped at the loft," she exclaimed, gesturing to the woman in the hospital bed next to her. "That's the words they used, Dad: "dumped." What the hell is going on?"

Castle sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I don't know." He breathed. "I have no idea what's going on. She's completely shut me out and here we are." He gestured around the room. "My wife is delivered to me bloodied and beaten lying on the couch where we used to read the paper and drink our morning coffee." Castle returns to his perch by Kate's bedside and slumps down. "So, Alexis, I have NO idea what in the hell is going on here."

Before Alexis can unfreeze long enough to form a coherent response, movement interrupts her in her periphery.

"Knock, Knock." Comes a timid Kevin Ryan from the doorframe of Kate's hospital room.

"Hey, Kev." Castle calls back, grateful for the interruption. He knows that the detective wouldn't be here without some kind of news.

"We pulled surveillance on Beckett from when she left last night." He starts, glancing and Alexis and getting a nod from Castle to continue. "She left the precinct around 12:43 AM and was heading towards an SRO where she's, apparently, been staying. Traffic cams and ATM cams have her walking down the street and just vanishing 7 minutes into her trip." He explains. "There's no blind alley ways, she didn't get grabbed by a vehicle. She just stops appearing on the tape. We have the lab looking for any signs of tampering now." He finishes, glancing at both Castles in the room. "The surveillance in your building, including your private cameras and security systems have been wiped of the last few hours. I'm sorry."

"Okay." Castle sighs. "Kevin, I know you didn't just come here to tell me that. Not when you could have picked up the phone," He says, "What else is there?"

"Vikram Singh is missing." Ryan says. "He called Beckett at 12:25 AM and he's off the grid. His cell is off or destroyed, his place has been completely tossed, and there's definitely signs of a struggle."

Castle sighs and leans down to look at his wife's face. He brushes a bit of hair off of her forehead and places the tip of his nose gently against her skin. "What have you gotten yourself into, Kate?"

Castle turns back to Ryan and asks, "Where's Espo?"

"He's checking out Beckett's SRO. Last I heard it was pretty bare. No signs of forced entry. No signs of a struggle. He said the only thing strange he's found so far is the lack of any personal effects." Ryan explains. "There's not much there. Clothes, a few pictures, and a NYPD laptop. We don't know if things were taken or…"

Alexis chimes in from behind Ryan. "Probably not." She says. "All of Kate's things are still at home… at the loft, I mean."

"Right." Ryan nods, "I should get back to the team. I just wanted to let you know that there will be a detail on this room and both of you for now. Mrs. R, too. Just to be safe. Beckett would kill us if anything happened to you. "

"Thanks, Ryan." Castle responds as the younger detective leaves.

He tries to send Alexis to a friend's place or to stay with his mother, but she won't budge. She's sitting sentry opposite him on Kate's other side. He thinks that they might be waiting for something bad to happen. He thinks that maybe Alexis can sense, as he can, how deep down the rabbit hole Kate has gotten herself.

The doctor came in about an hour previous explaining that, while Kate was going to be in "quite of bit of discomfort" for a bit, there was to be no lasting damage from the fracture in her wrist, bruised ribs in both front and back, concussion, sprained knee, puncture wound in her shoulder, and fracture in her cheek. The doctor delivers this news with what he thinks is supposed to be a comforting smile but he looks at Alexis and sees his look of distain for the doctor's nonchalance reflected back at him. The doctor leaves with the assurance that she will be awake soon.

Alexis's behavior is striking him as odd. She seems to be watching over Kate in a way that he never expected from his daughter. The two of them have never had the kind of relationship that he would have liked, but recently Alexis has been trying to reassure him of Kate's motives while keeping her distance from the woman herself. Now, they are both waiting for any signs of waking from Kate while sitting in a loaded silence.

Alexis is drifting in and out of sleep in a chair in the corner when Kate begins to stir again. It starts as a small sigh then a twitch of her eyebrows and runs down the length of her body as if she's testing and flexing muscle and bone.

Castle leans forward and whispers words of comfort in her ear automatically. Beckett's eyes roll and flutter open with stormy green eyes finally meet blue.

"Hey." He whispers, caressing his palm against her cheek. He sees something in her eyes shift and they dart around the room, her body jerking underneath his touch. She's beginning to panic.

"Shhhh…" he whispers, "It's ok. You're ok. You're safe in the hospital."

Her eyes fly back to his as Alexis moves to Kate's other side to help focus the Captain a bit but Beckett's eyes are only focused on him.

"Ha-happened?" She croaks, her voice like sandpaper, and she winces.

Alexis leans over and grabs the small cup of water with a straw and offers it to her. Kate turns her head towards the redhead and looks at her with surprise realizing that she and Castle are not the only ones in the room. Castle watches as she offers a small smile to his daughter and slowly sips from the plastic cup. He sees that Kate is trying control her façade to reassure Alexis but he can tell his daughter isn't buying it.

"What happened?" She asks again, her voice a bit more clear and stronger. "How did I get here?"

"What do you remember?" Castle asks, sharing a look with his daughter before looking back at his wife.

"I.. umm. I remember being at my office, right?" Kate asks, blinking in confusion. She waits until Castle encourages her to continue. "I got a call—"

"From Vikram, yeah, after that?" Castle prods.

"I left the precinct to meet him, I think." Kate says, her brow creasing with concentration. "I don't know what happened next." She whispers. "I was walking and then I remember it being dark and…" She glances at Alexis and back to her husband "the next thing I remember is that everything hurt."

He can see that her eyes are filling up and she is studying her hand that is connected to her husband's.

"Ok. We'll give it time, that's all. It'll come back." He reassures her and focuses her attention on his daughter for a moment. "Alexis, do you mind letting the boys know that their fearless leader is awake?"

Alexis looks hesitant to leave but ultimately decides to do what she is asked and steps outside of the room. Kate can sense that something is amiss.

"What am I missing, Rick?" She implores, searching his face for clues.

"You were at the Loft when I got home." He starts, standing up to pace a bit as he tells his side. She has so many questions but she decides to let him continue. "When I got home, I walked in and I could just feel that something was off. You were on the couch, Kate. Beaten and bound and just lying on our couch."

"Castle…" She laments.

"No." Castle stops her. "I didn't even know, Kate." He explains. "If they, whoever the hell THEY are, had killed you or left you for dead anywhere else, I wouldn't have even known. I would have been sleeping while you bled to death. I wouldn't have been there, Kate. I'm really trying here." He sighs, exasperatedly, "I'm really trying, but I can't do this anymore. I want to be able give you space. I want be able to give you time to work through whatever this is, but I can't do it."

"Castle…" Kate sighs as she reaches to adjust her bed to sit up but her ribs ache and scream with protest. "Look,"

"No, Kate." He stops her. "There was a sign." She looks at him with question. "A warning, really. It was taped to you."

"A sign? I don't understand."

"It said 'Stop Her,' Beckett." He huffs. "As if I have any control or say in what you do. I never have, really."

"Castle, you know that's not true."

"Do I?" He implores. "This is the same fight we had years ago. You're running head first into something you don't understand and look where we are, Kate!" He gestures to the medical equipment surrounding her; "I'm not your partner anymore. You saw to that and we're still here. I get that this is some misguided attempt to keep me out of whatever it is that you're doing. Hell, you probably believe that this is some noble way to keep us safe. It's NOT WORKING."

The fight left him as the words did. He crossed back over to his wife's side and sees a tear drip from her eye to the sterile hospital blanket.

"I can't lose you, Beckett." He pleads, tipping her chin up so he can look into her eyes. "Don't make me lose you."


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I'm sorry this is later than normal. I'm a musician/music teacher and it is Holiday concert season.

"Don't you see, Rick?" Kate spoke after a few moments. "This is EXACTLY the reason I didn't want you involved."

"Why's that, Kate?" He asks, "Because I would tell you that it's too dangerous? That's it's not worth your life?" He huffed, "I'm so tired, Beckett. I'm so tired of watching you try and get yourself killed. Is that what you want?"

"No!" Kate responded immediately. "No, Castle. I just want…" She hangs her head and stares at her hands again. "People are dead, Castle. People are dead because of something ** _I_** did. They need justice. Their families need a reason and a resolution… and you can't be involved in this." She looks up and into his eyes. "Babe, you're too important, too **_good_** , I can't lose you to this. I know now that I wouldn't survive without you. So, I pushed you away to keep you safe. I stand by my reasons, Rick."

Castle stands and moves towards the window of her hospital room. Anger radiates off him in waves and he's practically shivering with it. He stands with his back to her, and his hackles up.

"Kate, I can't do this." He finally sighs and slumps and turns to face her. "I love you so much. I love all of you, the frustrating part included, but I can't keep doing this.

"What do you mean?" She asks, her eyes wide in fear and surprise.

"Your obsession is going to get you killed. You know it and I know it." He explains, "I can't stop you. I learned that years ago, but you need to think about what will be left when you've laid waste to your life to chase a ghost."

"Castle…"

"I don't know how long I can hang on, Kate." He sighs. "I want, more than anything, to say that when the time comes and if you're still alive, I'm going to be there with open arms… but I can't."

"Rick, please..."

"I have never loved anyone before you, Kate." He smiles, "and I'll never love anyone after you. I want the best for you. I want to take care of you. I want you to need ME, too… and you just don't."

"No! Rick" She exclaims, "You've got this all wrong. Of course, I need you. Of course, I love you."

"But you love justice more." He cuts her off. "You need the chase. You need the rush. You need the danger. I'm always going to come in behind it."

"Damn it, Castle, STOP!" Kate exclaims, her upper body jumping off of the bed as she slams down her forearm to the bed. Castle jerks forward and lifts his hand half-heartedly in her direction.

The pain sizzles in her chest and radiates over her body so fast she squeezes her eyes shut and counts the pain away. She tries to take in her surroundings with her eyes shut, just like her physical therapist taught her 3 years ago. She can hear the machines she's hooked up to beeping faster, and making sounds of disapproval. She can smell Castle's aftershave; she hears footsteps in the hall. She can also feel Castle inching towards her and she peels her eyes open.

"Kate…."

"Castle." She sighs, her breathing labored, "Please, believe me." She laments, "I just want you to be safe. I just want… I can't…" She trails off, slamming her eyes closed.

There's a knock on her doorframe where a nurse is standing and they both look up.

"Everything okay in here?" The short brunette asks. "We noticed your vitals were spiking, Ms. Beckett."

The presence of the nurse is like a bucket of cold water being dumped on Castle. He blinks in confusion, letting his surroundings come back to him. He's in Kate's hospital room. He's being completely inappropriate. He should wait until she is stronger to have this conversation. His mother would be disappointed in his lack of timing. He turns to Kate and takes in her ashen face and bandages as the nurse checks her vitals. She's answering yes or no questions and responding when the nurse asks her questions, but she's staring at him. It's almost uncomfortable, she's staring into his face and she's locked in. He swallows hard and grabs her hand gently while the nurse flutters about by the monitors.

"Are you in pain, hun?" The nurse asks, as Kate turns away from Castle to look at her.

"No. I'm fine" Kate croaks, making an attempt to look sincere.

The nurse considers her for a moment before sighing. "I'm not sure I trust that answer, Ms. Beckett." She looks at Castle for the truth, and he finds himself frozen. He knows what's best for her; he knows she's in pain but he finds himself insecure. He finds himself unable to find the confidence in their relationship to do what he should.

"We're ok." He lies, "I'll make sure to hit the call button if she gets uncomfortable."

Castle smiles his best smile and the nurse bids them goodnight. He knows that Alexis should be back soon from calling the boys and seemingly making herself scarce. He's got Kate's good wrist in his hand and he's rubbing small, soothing circles with his thumb. She's looking at him with pain-filled emerald eyes. What he doesn't know is if it's physical or emotional pain. He can't break the silence. He can't find the words. He's a writer, a damn fine one at that, and his words are failing him.

"Rick," She whispers, "Every time I try to move on from this; My Mom's murder, I mean. Every time I try to start something else in my life, it finds me."

Beckett is trying valiantly to keep her voice steady and her emotions from spilling over but she's struggling.

"It finds me and it pulls me under, Castle." She weeps. "I want things." Kate sighs. "I want you. I want a family… with you."

"Kate…" he starts.

"I can't do that if there are still people out there that might take me away from my family." She explains. "I need to be here. I can't have what I want with these people around, Castle. I won't do to my family… my children… _our_ children, what happened to me. I won't allow them to be broken like that. I can't allow even the possibility. These people must be eliminated; brought to justice."

She turns her palm over and grabs his hand in hers.

"I don't want to die for this, Castle." She says as she looks into his eyes. "I want to have a life… with you, with Alexis, Martha, My Dad, with our children… if that's what we decide. I _love_ you, Rick. I need this to be over once and for all. I need to make sure no one, not me, not you, _NO ONE_ else dies for this."

 ** _Review! Be kind to one another!_**


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I am so sorry! As I said, concert season. It kicked my ass. I'm off though, so I should be able to get more done. No promises, though. I kinda like this one, though. Let me know what you think.

"I want to believe you, Kate." Castle sighs. " I really do. I just… Promise me you'll stop."

"Castle…"

"Promise me, Kate." He demands. "We can be smarter about this. We can do this together."

"I don't want you wrapped up in this, Castle."

"Kate, don't you see?" He sighs, "I'm already wrapped up in this… in you. These people know what your weakness is… they know how to get to you and they proved it tonight."

"I don't understand" She replies.

"I'm your weakness." Castle replies and watches the shock and anger cross her face. "They left you at our home with a note telling ME to stop you. They know that our love, our relationship, weakens you."

"NO." She cuts him off. "Castle, no, you're absolutely wrong. You do NOT make me weak. You make me strong, babe. You make everything I've ever done in my life worth it. I told you once that our relationship is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and it still is, Rick." She grabs his hand and looks into his tired and weary eyes. "Oh, my god, I need to stop." She whispers, whatever she sees in that moment hits her like a bolt of lightning.

"Kate…"

"I need to stop." She repeats, looking haunted. "I can't do this anymore. I can't do this without you. I don't want to fight it anymore, Castle." She sighs.

"Kate, I'm not sure I understand…" Castle replies.

"Castle, I'm so tired. I'm so tired for living for other people: My Mom's case, My Dad's fight, avenging Captain Montgomery. I'm so tired." She weeps. "I don't want to do it anymore. I want to live for me, and what I want more than anything is to come home... to you"

By the time she is finished, he's wiping tears from her face and supporting her hand as she tries to reach for him.

"Kate, honey, you can always come home."

"I just don't want it to haunt me anymore, Castle." She sobs, "Everywhere I turn, it's there and I'm scared, Castle. I can't lose anyone else to this. I can't lose you. I wouldn't survive without you. Not anymore."

He's having trouble keeping up with her tears now. He's trying to keep the salty liquid out of the scratches on her face, but he finds himself wiping his own eyes as well. His stomach is clenched in a tight ball as he watches his wife struggle. He gets it now. He may not accept nor agree what she's doing, but he understands it now.

Beckett struggles to sit up on her own. She hisses as she pulls her back off of the bed and leans into her husband's arms. He catches her as she lists forward and embraces her back gently. He's cradling her against his chest as she hiccoughs painfully against him. She's murmuring into his neck, alternating between choruses of "I Love Yous" and "I'm sorrys."

"Shhh, Kate, Shhh." He tries to calm her. "It's ok, I'm here. We're ok."

She shivers with pain and her body spasms beneath his fingertips. She moans and gasps. He peels himself away from her grip and lays her back on the hospital bed and presses the call button. As she lays back and tries to control her breathing, she keeps whispering apologies.

He has never seen her break like this.

He never wants to again.

The nurse that paid them a visit sweeps swiftly into the room and looks at the two of them puzzled.

"She's in pain." Castle delivers, his voice cracking while Kate, with her eyes clenched shut and leaking tears, just nods.

"Okay, sweetie, I'll give you something to make you more comfortable." She bustles over to Kate's side and puts something in her IV.

"Her pain should even out in a minute or two." The nurse explains to Castle and then addresses Kate. "You might drift off though, hun. Call me if you need anything."

Castle and Beckett thank the woman as she exits. The air is still thick with the remnants of their previous discussion. Castle resumes his perch next to Kate's side and he grabs her hand. She starts a bit at the contact, her eyes open and he see surprise in them.

"I'm always going to be here, Kate." He rasps, "No matter what happens between us. You know should by now, I'm always going to be here."

"I wish you knew the same about me, Castle." She responds, her eyes fluttering closed. "It's true, you know? I'll always be there for you. I'm just doing a shitty job of showing it."

He huffs a laugh at her drug-loosened tongue.

"Love you, Rick." She slurs. "I'm done. I swear I'm done. Don't wanna do this without you. Don't wanna be apart anymore. I'm sorry for leaving. Not a day went by, Rick. Not a moment where I didn't miss you."

Castle smiles and leans forward to kiss her forehead. He believes in what she's saying, he knows she's being sincere, but he needs her to prove it.

"Thinkin' too loud, Cassle" She murmurs. "Gon prove it to you, Cas. I'm stayin.' Love you. Allll of the ways."

He hums in acknowledgement and smiles into hair as he places another kiss on the crown of her head. He lingers there for a moment and feels her slide over the edge into sleep.

He leans back in his seat and studies his wife's face. He's going to give himself this moment to smile and stare at her a little. After that, he needs a plan. Kate's right, he thinks, everywhere they turn they're haunted by this damn case. They need to end it. Together. Once and for all. That's how they'll get their always. He needs a plan.

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! Happy Belated Hanukah! Joyous Kwanzaa! Whatever you celebrate, or don't celebrate, enjoy time with family, friends, and alcoholic beverages. ;)


End file.
